under the rock where the sun dont shine

Really. I feel like I am going to get run over by an oncoming truck, or as a girl whom I once heard say, ‘the fridge is going to dance on me.’

I feel like a block of lead, my weary heartbreak resounding, my looming fears with a thousand hooks. There is so much of it, it all coagulates, I am trying to purge them from my system, so that I might run again, but what is not molten will not leave my heart, my mental recesses, my tear ducts. And so I await that bluddy truck.

Just yesterday I felt alive for slaving away for what I work for, at least it makes sense. Because yesterday, walking in the central business district I was reminded of what didn’t make sense. Amongst concrete ghastly watery balls and water-spitting ribbons, I felt lite and alive. Away from my gritty Jalan Besar, the pavements of Robinson Road are surreal, showy and scary. Walking gargoyles and petty soldiers who couldn’t be bothered about who else walked in their midst, who cannot care less for the baby-this-man-who-is-your-colleague-has-but-gushes- ‘Ooooh! cute!!!’ to acknowledge his entire pride and every waking dawn. Soul-less.

But in the course of a day, I’d get beaten. I’d get worn out too. I’d get my soul emptied out too. I am a gargoyle and a soldier too. I am looking in a mirror. What I see is what I am. What I fear to be, is what I will become.

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Posted in: daily grind, heartaches