onegoodchild

Happiness is like finding your way home.

December 28, 2006 • 1:58 pm 3

New Year’s Interrogation.

Okay. Its New Year. Lets talk honest.

I had a chocolate cupcake.

No really. More honest than that.

Alright. Had it at 3am in the morning.

Please, you can do better.

Okay, I’m actually attached…. since five years ago.

No. Really.

Okay. Its… a girl.

You had a baby?

No I mean I had a girlfriend.

Oh please.

Fine. I had a girlfriend, was pregnant, miscarried.

I would scoff if the keyboard allowed guttural words. Like ureeegh!

Twice.

(…)

Okay, you want honest? Fine. Honest. I’m afraid of where my life is going. Or not going anywhere worthwhile for that matter. I’m afraid I wont be middle-incomed no longer, insufficient on my substandard arts salary, that i won’t be middle classed any longer as I now exist – happily forgetting the borderline and righteously glaring at the elitist. I’m afraid of hating the words I spend days, weeks, months labouring over. I’m afraid my words will judge me, the eyes that read this page will judge me. I’m afraid of making plans I find a chore to follow. I’m afraid I will forget my idealism for that Ikea life. I’m afraid I cannot ‘make it’ in this pea-pod society I call so fondly- home. I’m afraid I will get stuck here, not daring to leave, just being afraid. I’m afraid I will move far away, so far, so many times, because I cannot force myself to be happy in one place. I’m afraid I will be tied down to an MRT seat, become a member of the plastic workforce. I’m afraid I won’t meet someone special, won’t have children, won’t talk to close friends grown astray- not because I’m unwilling, but because I was forgotten. I’m afraid of seeing too far, and planning too near. I’m afraid I will forever, this life, only say ‘I’m afraid.’ So this year, I will stop being afraid. If I can help it, I’m afraid this is the last time this phrase shall surface in my heart.

Filed under: musings

• 1:09 pm 0

These days.

Can’t take my neurotism. Can’t take it that I am articulating my neurotic behavior. Can’t take my articulation of my articulated neurotism. Can’t take triple neurosis. ARGGGGGh.

Filed under: cringes

December 23, 2006 • 1:56 pm 1

Santa-Axed

Christmas is in two days time.

Unfortunately for me, Christmas ended a long time ago. Although I never ever got to see Mummy kissing Santa Claus, his spell is just a little impractical now in my iron-grilled, 9th storey unit with houses stacked top and bottom – without a chimney I say. Sure, Claus-mas with its candy canes, present-decked trees, flying reindeers, toy elves and a character who loves you like no other, are easy to indulge in …. ages 12 and under, I regret.

Perhaps Christmas will be a littler easier to celebrate when I am older. When I have a kid or two to indulge of my own. I might even consider having a tree…